100% Responsibility: Ditch Blame, Apply E+R=O and the 'Good' Mindset

The discussion revolves around the concept of taking 100% responsibility for one's life, contrasting it with the common habits of blaming, complaining, and finger-pointing.

The Blame Game and Its Futility

Many people grow up in environments where blaming and complaining are prevalent. While individuals may strive to overcome these habits, they often find themselves reverting to them, even if only internally. The core issue with blaming is that it doesn't lead to better outcomes.

A couples' therapist once highlighted this by observing a couple arguing over whose fault something was. The therapist remarked, "I'm glad to see you agree on something," and when asked what, explained, "You obviously agree that if you can figure out whose fault it is, somehow your life better." This illustrates the flawed assumption that identifying blame improves a situation.

The E + R = O Formula

A useful framework for understanding responsibility is the formula: Event + Response = Outcome (E + R = O).

When an event occurs, and the response is to blame someone or something (the government, the economy, family members, etc.), this blaming response does not produce a better outcome. Everyone desires positive outcomes like joy, freedom, peace, success, and health. However, certain behaviors, such as blaming, do not lead to these desired results. Blaming doesn't make one feel better, nor does it solve the underlying problem.

Our culture often reinforces blaming and complaining. While these actions might offer a temporary release of steam or foster a sense of agreement among complainers, they do not lead to resolution, breakthrough, or improved results.

Controlling Your Response

In the E + R = O formula, there are only three aspects of your response that you can control: * Your thoughts * Your images (visualizations) * Your behavior

We often mistakenly believe we can control external circumstances, but our true power lies in controlling our internal response to those circumstances. The key is to observe what kind of outcome your chosen response produces.

Successful individuals often demonstrate a different approach. They analyze how others who achieve success respond to similar events and situations, identifying responses that yield better results.

The Nature of Complaining

Complaining, much like blaming, is unproductive. To complain about something, one must have a reference point of something better they would prefer. For example, one cannot complain about a girlfriend without an image of a "better" woman.

Interestingly, people rarely complain about gravity. This is because gravity is an unchangeable force; everyone accepts it as it is. Similarly, if you are complaining about something, it implies you have an idea of a better alternative that you are not willing to risk creating. Complaining allows for venting and finding common ground with others, but it doesn't lead to a better result.

If you find yourself complaining, a productive question to ask is: "What would you prefer, and what would you have to do to create that?"

The "Good" Mindset

Jocko Willink, a former Navy SEAL commander, embodies a powerful mindset for dealing with adversity, which he simply calls "Good." When faced with a problem or setback, his immediate response is "Good."

This isn't about being superficially positive or ignoring reality. Instead, it's about accepting the reality of a bad situation and immediately focusing on the potential positive outcomes or solutions.

Examples of this mindset include: * "Mission canceled. Good, we can focus on another one." * "Didn't get the new high-speed gear. Good, we can keep it simple." * "Didn't get promoted. Good, more time to get better." * "Got injured. Good, need a break from training."

The "Good" mindset acknowledges that while a problem exists, there is always an opportunity to turn it into something positive, to learn, adapt, and move forward. This attitude, when adopted by an individual, can spread throughout a team.

Training for 100% Responsibility

Taking 100% responsibility is a skill that needs to be trained and conditioned, much like an exercise habit. It doesn't always come naturally.

Strategies for cultivating this mindset include:

• Opposite Affirmations: If engaging in negative self-talk, create an opposite, positive affirmation. Write it down and place it in visible locations (e.g., refrigerator, bathroom mirror) for constant reinforcement.
• Repetition: Neuroscience suggests it takes approximately 66 days to change a belief, though this can vary. Repetition is crucial for grounding new ideas and behaviors.
• Behavioral Triggers: A technique used at West Point involves associating an affirmation with a repetitive action. For example, every time you walk through a door, touch the door jamb and recite your affirmation. This creates a built-in system for consistent practice.
• Focused Practice: Dedicate specific periods to work on particular behavioral shifts. For instance, adopting one of Don Miguel Ruiz's "Four Agreements" for three months, with reminders and reinforcement, can lead to significant change.

The goal is to internalize these new ideas and behaviors until they become automatic, like knowing your phone number without having to consciously recall it. By consistently implementing a few new behavioral shifts each year, significant personal growth can be achieved over time. In a world filled with distractions, intentional reminders and practices are essential for staying focused on personal responsibility and growth.