No Cherished Outcome: Poem Advice for Friendships and Romance
The phrase "no cherished outcome" originates from a translation of a Celtic poem called "The Celtic Poem of Approach." This poem was traditionally recited when meeting new people, entering new territories, or interacting with different tribes. It embodies a spirit of openness and vulnerability.
The Celtic Poem of Approach
The poem's lines, as recalled, include: - "I will honor your Gods." - "I will drink from your well." - "I bring an undefended heart to our meeting place." - "I will not negotiate by withholding." - "I am not subject to disappointment." - "I have no cherished outcome."
Applying "No Cherished Outcome" to Life
The speaker views this poem and its underlying spirit as the foundational agreement for all their friendships. They frequently utter the phrase "I have no cherished outcome" to their friends, striving to embody its meaning.
However, the true test of this principle often comes when feelings of hurt, resentment, exclusion, or misunderstanding arise. It is in these moments that one might discover a previously hidden "cherished outcome" that was not met. The speaker describes realizing they had a secret, cherished outcome when something they wanted didn't happen, leading to feelings of being "bent about it." This realization prompts an examination of resentment and a choice between honoring the principle of "no cherished outcome" or sulking.
Differences Between Friendships and Romantic Relationships
The speaker notes a significant difference in their ability to maintain "no cherished outcome" between friendships and romantic relationships. They find it easier to apply this principle in friendships, which they consider the "true loves of my life." In these relationships, they feel better at taking responsibility for themselves and avoiding imposing specific outcomes on others.
Conversely, in romantic relationships, the speaker admits to having "a list as long as my arm of cherished outcomes." This leads to disappointment and a reluctance to bring an "undefended heart" to the relationship.
The Impact of Singleness and Celibacy
The speaker attributes this disparity to a tendency to hold romantic partners responsible for their emotional state. They explain that when someone becomes their partner, they engage in an "outer body thing" where the partner is blamed for their moods. If they feel good, the partner is the "greatest"; if they feel terrible, the partner is the "worst."
Spending five years single and celibate by choice has been a transformative experience. This period of solitude has revealed that personal mood cycles, depressions, and euphorias are internal "weather systems" unrelated to anyone else. This realization has highlighted the unfairness of previously holding partners accountable for their emotional well-being. The speaker expresses relief and appreciation for not having anyone to "pin it on," acknowledging that while they dislike blaming others, they struggled to avoid it within romantic relationships.
Takeaways
- The phrase “no cherished outcome” originates from a Celtic poem that stresses honoring others, sharing openly, and approaching interactions without hidden expectations.
- The speaker applies the phrase as a personal rule for friendships, finding it easier to keep an “undefended heart” and avoid resentment in those relationships.
- In romantic relationships, the speaker admits to maintaining a long list of cherished outcomes, which often leads to disappointment and difficulty embracing vulnerability.
- Five years of intentional singleness and celibacy taught the speaker that moods are internal “weather systems” and not the responsibility of a partner, reducing the urge to blame others.
- Recognizing hidden cherished outcomes when hurt arises helps the speaker choose between honoring the principle of no expectations or slipping into sulking and resentment.
Frequently Asked Questions
What does “no cherished outcome” mean in the context of the Celtic poem?
In the Celtic Poem of Approach, “no cherished outcome” means entering a meeting without any secret expectations or desired results, offering an open and undefended heart, and refusing to let disappointment dictate behavior. It encourages honoring the other’s gods, sharing resources, and staying vulnerable, so the interaction remains pure regardless of the eventual outcome.
How did five years of singleness and celibacy affect the speaker’s view of emotional responsibility in romantic relationships?
The speaker’s five‑year period of intentional singleness and celibacy revealed that moods function like internal weather systems, independent of any partner’s actions. This insight showed that blaming a romantic partner for personal highs or lows is unfair, leading the speaker to stop pinning emotional responsibility on others and to embrace self‑regulated emotional health.
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