Questions as Quests: Identity, Divinity, and Meaningful Relationships

Last night, a profound realization emerged regarding the nature of questions and their connection to personal and collective quests. This insight, which will be further explored, stems from a practice of using speaking opportunities not to present preconceived notions, but to engage in genuine inquiry. This approach, honed during a career as a university professor, allows for a dynamic exploration of ideas, moving both the speaker and the audience towards enhanced understanding rather than cementing existing presuppositions.

The Quest for Understanding

The core idea is that a "question" is intrinsically linked to a "quest." A quest, much like a captivating movie plot, is a journey towards an often unspecified destination that unpredictably transforms the participant. In a heroic quest, the destination is meaningful, the journey difficult, but ultimately worthwhile. A question, therefore, initiates such a quest. Understanding this connection allows for the structuring of conversations and even life itself as a series of meaningful quests. Joe Rogan, for instance, exemplifies this by constantly asking questions, driven by a genuine desire for answers, which propels conversations forward and deepens knowledge. The ultimate goal of such a quest is to become wiser and more engaged along the way.

Tonight's discussion will revolve around three interconnected questions: 1. What is the nature of man and woman? This delves into the concept of identity, a major cultural preoccupation, especially with the rise of identity politics. 2. What is the nature of the divine? This involves defining the concept of the divine. 3. What is the nature of the relationship between man, woman, and the divine? This explores the connection between human identity and the transcendent.

The first question, "What is a man and a woman?", might seem trivial, but its emergence as a significant cultural debate highlights a questioning of fundamental assumptions, even biological ones. The distinction between male and female is ancient, predating nervous systems, yet it has become a subject of intense discussion.

Tolstoy's Vision: The Abyss and the Golden Rope

To explore these questions, we turn to stories, beginning with Leo Tolstoy, the renowned Russian author of War and Peace and Anna Karenina. Despite immense success, wealth, and admiration, Tolstoy experienced profound despair and suicidal ideation at the height of his fame. This disjunction between external success and internal suffering drove him to write Confession, a meditation on success and suffering.

Tolstoy's recovery began with a powerful dream: he was suspended thousands of feet in the air, the earth far below, experiencing intense vertigo and pain from contemplating the abyss. This represented his despair and the meaninglessness he felt. However, he then realized he could look up. Above him, the same rope that stabilized him, a golden rope, extended infinitely upwards, its culmination point unseen. This rope was preventing him from plunging to his death. This dream marked the beginning of his recovery.

This image is rich with meaning. Dreams, as the birthplace of ideas, present visions that can be infinitely deep, much like profound art. Tolstoy's dream offered a solution to his problem: how to cope with the abyss of life when material abundance is insufficient for orientation. The dream revealed that just as deep as the abyss below, the expanse above is infinitely high. His relationship with this infinite "upward" expanse was what sustained him over the abyss.

The question then becomes, what is this infinite upward expanse? Tolstoy knew the downward abyss represented suffering, misery, nihilism, and pain. The upward expanse, however, remained undefined. While a nihilistic or atheistic stance might deny anything above, human resilience in the face of suffering suggests that something sustains us. Tolstoy spent the rest of his life trying to understand this upward relationship, turning to traditional Christianity to flesh out his vision. This highlights the wisdom of drawing on existing knowledge and traditions when grappling with complex problems.

Jacob's Transformation: Wrestling with God

Another parallel story is that of Jacob from the Old Testament. Jacob's identity undergoes a radical transformation. He begins as a deceitful and manipulative individual, betraying his father and brother, leading to his exile. Yet, he becomes Israel, meaning "one who wrestles with God." This signifies that those who grapple with their destiny and difficult moral decisions are among the "chosen people."

Jacob's transformation culminates when he is on his way to reconcile with his brother. He builds an altar, symbolizing his willingness to sacrifice towards what is highest, to sort himself out. This act establishes a relationship with "up" rather than "down," acknowledging a distinction between past wrongdoing and a better way of being. The sacrifice represents giving up the old, corrupt self to aim higher. This transformative capacity, akin to rebirth or baptism, is a central theme in many narratives.

Jacob then dreams of a staircase, Jacob's Ladder, uniting earth and heaven, with angels ascending and descending. This vision, like Tolstoy's, depicts an upward path disappearing into an unknown, infinite expanse. Both visions suggest that the highest good is beyond human comprehension, receding as one approaches it. This implies that the journey of improvement is endless; no matter how good one becomes, there is always more to strive for. This continuous striving, rather than a finite goal, is what makes life meaningful.

Moses and the Burning Bush: The Divine in What Compels You

The biblical texts repeatedly emphasize that the divine, or what is at the pinnacle, is beyond full comprehension. Moses' encounters with the divine illustrate this.

His first encounter is with the burning bush. Moses, having transformed from an impulsive youth to a responsible shepherd, is drawn to a bush that burns without being consumed. This phenomenon, a "phenomena" in the Greek sense of "shining forth," captures his attention. Moses' decision to investigate this compelling sight, rather than ignore it, is crucial. This act of pursuing what genuinely interests or compels one is presented as a way to establish a relationship with the divine.

The burning bush symbolizes life itself, which is always "on fire" with metabolism and vitality. When something "shines forth" and grips one's interest, it is a call to deeper engagement. By investigating, Moses delves deeper into the structure of the world, reaching "sacred ground." This signifies that taking what beckons seriously leads to profound understanding and transformation. Moses takes off his shoes, symbolizing a change in identity, as he is about to become someone new.

The culmination is the voice of the divine speaking from the bush, commissioning Moses to lead the Israelites out of slavery. Moses' words gain authority because they are connected to this deep, transcendent reality. A leader, in this context, is someone who delves deeply, establishes a relationship with the fundamental, confronts tyranny, and guides the enslaved towards a better future. This characterizes the divine as that which manifests in what calls us forward.

Moses' second direct encounter with God further emphasizes the incomprehensibility of the divine. God places Moses between two cliffs, allowing him only a glimpse of God's "back" after passing. This illustrates that the ultimate divine essence is beyond human capacity to fully grasp, even for a prophet. This aligns with the idea that the "upward" path is endless and its pinnacle is beyond our finite understanding.

Identity and the Covenantal Relationship

The biblical texts describe the relationship with the divine as covenantal, a contractual agreement. The essence of this faith is the belief that if one acts properly, things will ultimately go well. This requires a leap of faith, as the outcome is not guaranteed beforehand.

The Western liberal idea of identity, focusing on the individual, is true only under certain preconditions. Historically, this idea flourished within a Judeo-Christian framework that provided a deep social contract. Without this underlying structure, the individual identity can fragment.

Our identity extends beyond our physical boundaries. We exist at multiple levels: subatomic, atomic, molecular, cellular, organ, and individual. But also, we are nested within higher-order systems: marriage, family, community, nation, and the natural world. Our mental health and well-being are deeply intertwined with the stability and functionality of these relationships. The notion that our identity ends at our skin is a simplification that fails to account for the profound impact of these interconnected systems.

These higher-order levels are predicated on an ethos, a "game" with rules, even if unstated. When these rules are broken, harmony is disrupted. Mental health, therefore, is not merely an internal state but a reflection of the harmony within these relationships, from the quantum level to the "superordinate reality" in which everything is embedded.

The divine, as the "ineffable up," is what makes itself manifest in what calls us forward. When we aim high, our perceptions and emotions align to reveal the path towards that aim. Our intuitions are informed by our vision, and our emotions are structured by our aims. Therefore, the logical conclusion is to aim as highly upward as possible. This is the essence of the instruction to "love God above all else" – to begin every action by aiming at what is highest. This pursuit of the highest good, even if its ultimate form is incomprehensible, is what gives meaning and direction to life.

Reconciling Relationships: The Power of Listening

The principles discussed also apply to interpersonal relationships, particularly when dealing with conflict or estrangement. When someone is not listening, it indicates a misalignment in understanding the situation or the person. In such cases, it is advisable to stop talking and instead listen and observe.

The goal should be to re-establish the relationship, not to win an argument or change someone's ideology. By listening intently, one can discover what the other person truly needs, even if they cannot articulate it themselves. This requires patience and a willingness to set aside one's own opinions and desires to "win." The experience of Tammy, who reconnected with her sister by simply listening, illustrates this point. Her sister, who had held a long-standing, inaccurate perception of Tammy, eventually revealed her true thoughts and, through the act of being heard without judgment, was able to move past her outdated views.

Advice for a New Marriage: Build on Truth

For a newly engaged couple, the most crucial advice is to build the relationship on truth from the very beginning. Lies create an unstable foundation that will crumble under the inevitable storms of life. Truth, however, sets one free, allowing for adaptation to the world and to each other.

When conflicts arise, as they inevitably will, two strategies are helpful: 1. Self-reflection: Take a moment to consider one's own contribution to the problem, even if it seems small. Acknowledging one's own "sin" or shortcomings can open the door to resolution. 2. Articulate desires: Clearly communicate what one wants from the situation. While it may be awkward initially, expressing needs allows the partner to understand and potentially meet them. This requires patience and a willingness to practice, as perfect communication is not achieved overnight.

The journey of a relationship, like any quest, involves continuous effort and a willingness to learn and adapt. By aiming for truth, understanding, and mutual growth, couples can build a strong and enduring bond.