Monogamy, Dating Market Deregulation, and Emerging Sexual Trends
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Monogamy as "Affirmative Action" for Men
The concept of "Porsche polygamy," as coined by Scott Galloway, suggests that a small number of men receive a large share of attention, particularly in online dating. This raises the question of whether monogamous marriage historically served as a form of "affirmative action" for men.
A recent paper explored this idea, suggesting that marriage was a "sexual redistribution of women" or "DEI for men." The argument is that since most men are not in the top 10% or 20% in terms of desirability, monogamous marriage provided a mechanism to pair men and women one-on-one. This has been humorously referred to as "sexual communism" or "sexual socialism" for the dating market.
Deregulation of the Dating Market and Its Consequences
The deregulation of the dating market, arguably beginning in the 1960s, has led to a new phase. On the right, particularly within the "manosphere," there's a call for a return to traditional norms. On the left, women are increasingly expressing dissatisfaction, leading to new concepts and terms.
Emerging Sexual and Relationship Concepts
- Demisexual: Individuals who only engage in sexual activity with people they have an emotional connection with. This implies a reluctance to have sex with strangers.
- Sapiosexual: Attraction to individuals based on intellectual stimulation.
- Solopoly: A humorous term, implying a single person engaging in casual sexual encounters, akin to a "Lothario" or "man whoring about."
Pushback Against Regulated Mating Marketplaces
There's a debate about reintroducing sexual norms and regulating the "mating marketplace." While some argue this pushes back against freedom and independence, harkening to pre-1960s restrictive expectations and gender stereotypes, another perspective suggests it might implicitly benefit men more than women.
The argument is that marriage norms, by redistributing partners one-to-one, might limit women's ability to compete for higher-value partners. In a more "free-flowing" casual sex market, women might be able to showcase traits not immediately obvious to a partner, potentially attracting higher-value individuals. Men, on the other hand, might struggle more due to women's choosiness.
However, this perspective is challenged by the observation that women often desire a single partner for themselves, rather than sharing a man with other women. This makes the pushback against monogamous norms from women somewhat puzzling, given the traditional benefits of monogamy.
Polygamy and Women's Choices
A counter-argument suggests that polygamy could be beneficial for women, as it allows them to choose a high-status, wealthy man, even if he already has a wife. This provides an alternative to having no partner or being with someone of lower status.
The Evolutionary Debate: Monogamy vs. Polygyny
The discussion touches upon a controversial debate in evolutionary social sciences: whether humans are naturally polygenous (males mating with multiple females) with cultural practices restraining this, or if monogamy is our default state.
While some evolutionary social scientists argue for polygeny, others, including the speaker, believe the case for monogamy is stronger. Despite the deregulation of the dating market, which theoretically allows attractive men to have numerous sexual partners, data suggests that most people still opt for monogamous relationships. Even with increased sexual freedom, the "boring thing" of monogamy remains prevalent.
Serial Monogamy
Humans are often described as "serial monogamists." Ethnographic studies of hunter-gatherer societies show that while pair-bonding is common, relationships can dissolve after having one or two children, leading to new partnerships. This "swinging" behavior is observed in data, with a small but non-trivial percentage (around 5%) of first marriages lasting a lifetime. Most people experience falling in love more than once.
Even when societal "guardrails" are removed and strict rules are absent, most relationships tend to be pair bonds, largely exclusive. However, a small degree of polygyny and lifelong mating also occurs, with relationship switching being not uncommon.
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Takeaways
- The article argues that historical monogamous marriage functioned as an “affirmative action” for men by redistributing women to men who were not in the top desirability tier.
- Deregulation of the dating market since the 1960s has sparked both right‑wing calls for traditional norms and left‑wing dissatisfaction, leading to new labels like demisexual, sapiosexual, and “solopoly.”
- Critics of re‑regulating the mating marketplace claim it could advantage men by limiting women’s ability to compete for higher‑value partners, while others note women often prefer a single dedicated partner.
- Evolutionary scholars remain divided, but the speaker favors monogamy as the default human relationship model, noting that despite greater sexual freedom, most people still choose exclusive pair bonds.
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Frequently Asked Questions
Why does the article describe monogamous marriage as “affirmative action” for men?
The article claims monogamous marriage historically acted as a “sexual redistribution” that paired average‑desirability men with women, compensating for the fact that only a small elite of men attracted most partners; thus it functioned like affirmative action by guaranteeing most men a spouse.
What does the term “solopoly” mean in the context of the article?
“Solopoly” is introduced as a humorous label for a single individual who engages in casual sexual encounters, likened to a modern “Lothario” or “man whoring about,” emphasizing a solo, non‑monogamous lifestyle. It reflects emerging slang around new sexual and relationship concepts.
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of whether monogamous marriage historically served as
form of "affirmative action" for men.
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