Gender Pay Gap Shift and Its Impact on Earned Women’s Mate Choices

The discussion delves into the changing dynamics of the gender pay gap in major cities and its potential impact on mate preferences, particularly among high-achieving individuals.

The Reversal of the Gender Pay Gap in Major Cities

In several major metropolitan areas in the US, including New York, Washington D.C., Boston, Los Angeles, and Seattle, young women (under 30) are now earning more than young men. This trend, which was previously observed with women out-earning men by about £1,000, has reportedly increased to a difference of £3,100-£3,200. While the exact numbers for Austin are not confirmed, it is suggested that it likely follows a similar pattern.

Mate Preferences Among High-Achieving Women

The conversation explores how this shift in economic power influences women's mate preferences.

Initial Studies and Observations

• Preference for Resourceful Partners: Historically, as women's economic standing improved, the preference for resourceful partners was expected to decrease.
• High-Powered Women and High-Powered Men: Some studies, including one by Vincent Harinam from about six years ago, suggested that very high-powered career women had an increased preference for equally high-powered men. This indicates that ambitious individuals often desire ambitious partners, with this effect being particularly pronounced from women to men.
• The "Bell Curve" Effect: It's hypothesized that for the "middle bit of the bell curve" of ambition, the preference for resourceful partners might reduce. However, for the top 10% of hyper-ambitious individuals, this might flip. Their strong sense of self-worth tied to ambition could influence their attraction to partners who share similar drive.

Experimental Findings vs. Real-World Observations

• Experimental Results: In controlled experiments, higher-income women showed less interest in "mating up" economically.
• Real-World Tendencies: Despite experimental findings, in real-world scenarios, higher-income women still tend to have strong mate preferences for resources. High-achieving, highly educated, and high-income women often marry men who are at least as successful as they are.

Caveats and Nuances

• Qualitative Differences: Social role theorists argue that richer women are qualitatively different from poorer women in various ways, making direct comparisons challenging without proper controls.
• Stronger Mate Preferences Across the Board: Richer women tend to have stronger mate preferences in general, not just for resources. Research by Coyomas and Loos indicates they also desire "hotter guys." This suggests that successful individuals, confident in their ability to achieve, apply high standards across all aspects of their lives, including partner selection.
• Absolute vs. Relative Preference for Resources: While richer women have a stronger absolute mate preference for resources, their relative preference might be lower. For example, a wealthy woman might desire a rich partner, but also prioritize a hot partner, someone who will care for children, and someone who shares political beliefs, indicating higher standards across the board rather than an exclusive focus on wealth. This suggests they are able to "relax" their preference for resources relatively, as they have other high standards to meet.
• Evolutionary Psychology vs. Social Psychology: There was a debate between evolutionary psychologists and social psychologists regarding whether richer women would have a reduced mate preference for resources. Evolutionary psychologists predicted a reduction, but real-world data did not consistently support this, suggesting that the preference for resources persists, albeit with caveats.

The "High Standards" Phenomenon

The discussion highlights that individuals with high standards in their professional and personal lives tend to apply those same high standards to their partners. This is likened to perfectionism, where individuals who push themselves to achieve a high standard of living then seek a similar level of perfectionism from those around them, including their partners.

Stated vs. Revealed Preferences

The concept of "stated preferences" (what people say they want) versus "revealed preferences" (what people actually do) is introduced.

• Dating Patterns Among Top Earners: Data from the Institute of Family Studies suggests that women in the top 20% income bracket are, on average, "dating down" slightly economically. Conversely, men in the top quintiles are "dating up."
• Interpretation of Dating Down: This "dating down" by high-earning women is not necessarily a revealed preference for less wealthy partners. Instead, it could be a consequence of limited availability. At the highest echelons of income, there are simply fewer men who earn more or equally. This is compared to the "tall girl problem," where tall women might date shorter men not because they prefer them, but because there's a shortage of equally tall men. Therefore, dating patterns might reflect availability rather than a true preference.