Prenup Weight Clause, History, and Modern Relationship Communication
A discussion about prenuptial agreements (prenups) revealed some surprising and controversial clauses, alongside a broader conversation about the changing dynamics of relationships and communication.
The Infamous Weight Clause
One of the most astonishing prenup clauses ever encountered involved a woman losing $50,000 in alimony per year for every 10 pounds she gained during the marriage. This clause, described as "horribly cruel," highlights the extreme conditions that can be written into prenups.
This led to a humorous hypothetical: if for every 10 pounds a partner gained, a new, unimaginable sexual act was unlocked, how much weight would one encourage? The consensus, jokingly, was "until she pops," emphasizing the absurdity of such conditions while also acknowledging the importance of health and happiness.
The inverse question was also posed: if for every 5 pounds lost, a new benefit was unlocked, how thin would one let their partner get? This brought up the preference for a "stout woman" or "Rubenesque" figure, contrasting with an aversion to overly bony physiques. The term "Rubenesque" was humorously linked to Ruben Studdard, with a playful misunderstanding about the origin of the term.
The History and Purpose of Prenups
Prenups have existed for a long time, with enforceability becoming more significant since the 1960s. They gained widespread popularity among the general population about 20 years ago. This rise in popularity is attributed to the increasing divorce rate, prompting couples to consider a pre-defined "rule set" for their marriage rather than relying solely on government-mandated divorce laws.
Historically, divorce was rare. In the 1800s in England, the total number of divorces in a year could be as low as five. In such a context, prenups were unnecessary as the "tail risk" of divorce was almost non-existent. However, even then, people would sometimes "go out for milk and never come back," indicating that relationships ended even without formal divorce proceedings.
The discussion touched on the often-debated divorce rate, noting that while statistics vary (46% vs. 50%), the true measure of a marriage's success isn't just avoiding catastrophic failure (divorce). Many couples separate without formal paperwork, or remain together unhappily due to financial concerns, effectively being "widows" or "widowers" in all but name. This led to a humorous definition of an "Irish divorce" as going out for milk and never returning.
Modern Prenups and Women's Demands
In contemporary prenups, there's a trend of young women coming to the table with specific demands. While men are typically the ones initiating prenups due to greater economic assets, women are increasingly asserting their needs within these agreements.
A prenup conversation should be a dialogue about what each partner needs to feel safe and protected. It's about acknowledging that every marriage ends, either in death or divorce, and preparing for the latter, which is statistically more likely. While it might seem unfair for a woman to be entitled to half of everything, it's also unfair for her to receive nothing, especially if she has made sacrifices that diminish her long-term economic capacity. The goal is for both parties to feel secure, knowing they won't be taken advantage of economically or left in a difficult situation if the marriage ends.
Examples of "baller" demands from women in prenups include specific monthly budgets for personal care, such as cosmetic expenses, to be maintained during the marriage.
Communication and Accountability in Relationships
The conversation shifted to the importance of open communication in relationships, particularly regarding sensitive topics like weight gain. It was argued that partners have an obligation to address such issues, albeit with tact. This isn't about control but about mutual accountability and looking out for each other's best interests, encompassing both physical appearance and health.
The key is to address changes early, before they become significant problems. Instead of waiting for a 50-pound weight gain, it's better to acknowledge smaller changes and discuss their potential impact on the relationship. This proactive communication is crucial for a "designed" relationship, as opposed to one that operates on "default."
This principle extends to other areas, such as changes in sexual intimacy. Openly discussing shifts in sex drives or other aspects of the relationship allows couples to understand each other's feelings and decide together how to navigate these changes, rather than letting unspoken issues fester.
Takeaways
- A notorious prenup clause once penalized a woman $50,000 per year for every 10‑pound weight gain, illustrating how extreme financial incentives can be embedded in marriage contracts.
- Prenups have become common only since the 1960s and surged in popularity about two decades ago as rising divorce rates prompted couples to set predefined rules instead of relying solely on default legal outcomes.
- Historically, divorce was rare—e.g., only five divorces per year in 1800s England—so early prenups were unnecessary, but modern “tail risk” of separation has made them a practical safeguard.
- Today, women are increasingly negotiating specific demands such as monthly cosmetic budgets, reflecting a shift toward mutual economic protection rather than the traditional male‑initiated agreements.
- Open, proactive communication about issues like weight changes or sexual intimacy is advocated as essential for “designed” relationships, allowing couples to address small shifts before they become major problems.
Frequently Asked Questions
What was the $50,000 weight‑gain clause in a prenup and why is it considered extreme?
It was a provision that deducted $50,000 from a woman's alimony each year for every 10 pounds she gained during marriage, and it is deemed extreme because it ties financial penalties to personal health choices, creating a punitive and arguably unenforceable condition.
Why are modern prenups increasingly including specific cosmetic expense budgets for women?
Modern prenups often list monthly cosmetic expense allowances for women because partners are negotiating detailed financial protections that reflect personal lifestyle needs, ensuring the spouse can maintain self‑care without jeopardizing the household budget after a separation.
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was also posed: if for every 5 pounds lost,
new benefit was unlocked, how thin would one let their partner get? This brought up the preference for a "stout woman" or "Rubenesque" figure, contrasting with an aversion to overly bony physiques. The term "Rubenesque" was humorously linked to Ruben Studdard, with a playful misunderstanding about the origin of the term.
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