Digital Artist to Soldier: War, Trauma, and Healing

Doc, a 38‑year‑old digital artist and filmmaker, sought a place to live in harmony with nature. He built a canyon commune called Conseba, where straw‑roofed houses, solar panels, and a shared yoga space formed the core of daily life. The community gathered a diverse group, including devotees of Krishna, and together they created 61 statues of Gandhi as symbols of peace.

The Invasion

Distant explosions and sirens announced the invasion, and store shelves emptied within hours. Conseba swelled from a handful of residents to 25 self‑identified “commandos of love.” Faced with a moral dilemma, Doc read the Bhagavad Gita and chose to serve, reconciling his pacifist spirituality with a sense of duty.

Combat Experience

Doc trained as a scout in an air‑assault brigade before operating armored vehicles in the United Kingdom. He described combat as a “parallel reality” where soldiers clung to humor and simple routines—warming mayonnaise in a water bath, sharing jokes—to preserve a sense of normalcy. The front lines, however, presented stench, corpses, and a constant threat of death, shattering the early “adventure” mindset. As a platoon and later company commander, he bore responsibility for his men’s lives, witnessing six comrades fall in a single ambush and seeing only four of a fifteen‑man group survive.

The Aftermath

Multiple injuries—including a shattered eardrum, shrapnel wounds, and shell shock—left Doc physically scarred. The deaths of friends Plus and Skiff inflicted deep emotional trauma and guilt. Returning to civilian life, he struggled with PTSD, social alienation, and a loss of taste and smell. “War is a huge bleeding wound in the middle of my chest,” he reflected, noting his inability to feel joy when others suffered, yet feeling a perverse satisfaction when a hit landed.

Path to Healing

Doc turned to psychedelic therapy to confront helplessness and guilt, embracing the belief that “helplessness is a choice.” He began constructing Goloka, a rehabilitation center in the canyon, aiming to provide a sanctuary for himself and other veterans. Practices such as yoga, “proper crying” (isolated wailing for ten to fifteen minutes), and communal humor continued to serve as coping mechanisms, even as he worked to rebuild his capacity for joy and connection.