Margaret Cho’s Journey from Trauma to Triumph: Key Takeaways

Margaret Cho, a renowned comedian, reflects on her life, career, and personal struggles, offering insights into how past experiences shaped her perceptions and beliefs. Her journey, marked by early trauma, addiction, and a relentless pursuit of self-acceptance, reveals a powerful narrative of resilience and growth.

The Early Wounds: Deportation and Loss

Cho's early life was profoundly impacted by significant events. Her father was deported to Korea when she was born, taking her with him while her mother remained in America. This separation, which she describes as "very tragic," instilled a deep-seated feeling of being out of place, unwanted, and unlovable.

Further compounding these feelings was her upbringing in a gay bookstore during the height of the AIDS crisis. Witnessing the loss of many people around her, coupled with the prevailing rhetoric that blamed gay individuals for the epidemic, fostered a sense of being unwanted on Earth. These early experiences contributed to a core belief of unlovability and undesirability that lingered for years.

Comedy as a Refuge and Deflection

Cho began her comedy career at a very young age, around 15. Comedy became a place of power and safety for her, a refuge from the traumas she endured, including rape and sexual assault. She found protection in the audience's enjoyment, a sense of security in being watched and appreciated.

However, comedy also served as a deflection mechanism. Cho admits that the trauma from her childhood did not fully manifest until much later in life. She developed a continuous need to escape from all feeling, using humor, drinking, and drugs to numb emotional reactions. She describes comedy itself as a way to distract and create a commotion, preventing others from looking at what was happening inside her.

The Critical Inner Voice and Societal Pressures

Cho recalls a critical inner voice that told her she was ugly, fat, and unattractive. She believes this voice wasn't her own but rather a reflection of external pressures. During her time on the show "All-American Girl," she was explicitly told that she needed to lose weight to continue. This pressure stemmed from societal expectations of Asian women to be petite, quiet, and "exotic flowers." Cho, a self-proclaimed "nightclub crass rotten comedian," found it impossible to conform to these ideals, recognizing that she was "not made for 8 p.m. family hour television." The struggle to conform when there was no way to do so was incredibly challenging.

Confronting Addiction and Finding Sobriety

In her 40s, Cho's addictions became as powerful as she was as a person, controlling her life. She recounts a suicide attempt that, in retrospect, she doesn't consider the worst thing she's been through, partly because she was so high and drunk at the time. She humorously describes the incident where she tried to hang herself from a shower curtain rod, which bent under her weight, leading her to quip, "I'm too fat to kill myself."

Her path to sobriety involved going to treatment and staying in a facility for 22 months. This intensive period allowed her to confront her demons head-on.

The Power of Acceptance and Growth

Now sober, Cho acknowledges that she has to accept and confront her past traumas every day. There is no avoidance anymore. Facing sexual abuse as part of her life without letting it destroy everything has been a powerful experience. She has learned to take what she's gained from these difficult experiences and continue to grow.

Cho believes she has outgrown the beliefs that she was not enough, that she couldn't handle life, or that she wouldn't last. She now understands that her inherent strength was always there, even if it was hard for her to grasp that "everything would be all right."

If she could go back and speak to her younger self, Cho would simply say, "Everything is going to be all right." She yearned for that definitive statement, free from the questioning and uncertainty that plagued her youth.