Jaleel White on Life After Urkel: Missed Chances and Fatherhood

This episode of "The Me I Used to Be" features Jaleel White, known for his role as Steve Urkel, reflecting on his life and career, and how past experiences shaped his current beliefs.

Early Life and Introduction to Acting

Jaleel White was raised in Los Angeles, California. His father was a bus driver, and he has vivid memories of his mother taking him on his father's bus route as a toddler, where he would proudly tell strangers his dad was the bus driver. His mother worked at the post office and had a unique ability to take him to commercial auditions and return to work without issues.

White got into acting as a child primarily to earn money for college, which was his mother's top priority. He appeared in approximately 50 national commercials for brands like Oreo, Apple Jacks, and Pepsi. He noted that as a Black child actor in 1989 and before, the expectation was often to play the "best friend" role, with a few lines and residuals that would help pay for summer camps or go into a trust. His ambition at the time wasn't deep, but he was acutely aware of how others perceived his performances, leading to a strong people-pleasing tendency.

The "Family Matters" Phenomenon and Urkel

White recounted the well-known story of how he landed the role on Family Matters. He auditioned at 12 years old for what was initially a one-week gig, but he ended up staying on the show. The character of Steve Urkel became immensely popular.

He described the experience of being recognized as Urkel in public as a "balancing act." While he made it look natural, it was often uncomfortable, feeling like a "coin-operated machine" where people would demand he perform the character's catchphrases, even during personal moments like a date. He admitted to obliging these requests frequently. This constant external validation became a primary motivating factor in his daily life, and he realized he was living off the approval of others. This people-pleasing nature also affected how he dealt with rejection, which he disliked intensely.

Seeking Independence and Missed Opportunities

White recalled an interview with Keenen Ivory Wayans where he expressed a desire to make his own decisions for the first time, as his contract was ending, and his parents would no longer be making choices for him. However, he admitted that he was "faking taking the reins" and that his mother still heavily influenced his decisions.

After two years in college, he received a rare opportunity to be a writing executive producer with his own show, Grown Ups. This was a chance to showcase different facets of his talent, but his mother strongly urged him not to drop out of college. As a result, he approached the opportunity with "one foot in, one foot out," which he now deeply regrets, calling it a "missed opportunity" and a "one-and-done" situation.

Following the cancellation of Grown Ups, White entered a lonely and reclusive period. He took on various projects, often feeling lost and disconnected from his purpose in the entertainment business, with his identity still too tied to his career.

Fatherhood and Shifting Perspectives

A turning point came during a challenging period when he was a single father, working on a film called Mega Shark versus Crocosaurus. He realized that while a "more decorated actor" might be ashamed of such a role, it provided him with medical benefits and allowed him to continue paying for his daughter's needs.

His daughter, Somaya, became a significant driving force in changing his perspective. He came to the conclusion that he simply "works." He has been fortunate to work steadily throughout his career, even if not always on his "dream projects."

Now, he no longer sees his work as his sole identity. He is grateful, motivated, and thrilled to continue working, largely driven by his desire not to let his daughter down. He reflected on his younger self, who was impatient, and contrasted it with his current understanding that "what goes up fast comes down fast," while "what's built slowly over time has a better chance of being indestructible."